Unscheduled stroll on Triton, opening scene

A brief note that I'm half through typing my revisions into my WIP, the novel version of Leroy and Jody from Lab Partners.
As promised I'll give you the opening scene of my short SF story Unscheduled Stroll on Triton. This story although workshopped to death at Antioch last year was still rejected by Pedestal Magazine. Thanks to Anne and Laurie for expressing an interest in seeing this story. I'll paste in the opening scene below including an extra paragraph beyond what you all read on our chat at CTR recently.

This is a mini sequel to my science fiction novel The Higher Mission.
Unscheduled Stroll on Triton
by
Larry Hammersley

Joe Cramer fell toward the snowy surface of Triton, a little over a kilometer below him. He weighed thirteen and a half pounds here on Neptune’s largest moon, so the seventy-five second fall wouldn’t kill him. Mona Watson, his mining partner whom he had hoped to marry soon, wouldn’t be able to rescue him from the base of the butte they’d been mining. Their mining cruiser only carried their equipment and a rover, no space taxi. By the time she lifted off with the cruiser and landed it near the cliff base they’d been mining she’d only find his frozen corpse.
Moments before, he and Mona retrieved the high grade thorium ore from the side of the cliff near the top. Their cruiser and rover were parked on the flat plane above. When their catcher drills storage bags were full, Mona hoisted herself to the top to empty their contents into the rover’s ore compartment, and replace the drill bits. That’s when it happened. Cramer knew better. He’d detached himself from his safety line, intending on repositioning it so he could reach a new spot for drilling. His hand slipped and he drifted downward away from the line’s clip.
The old adage, “Only a fool makes the same mistake twice,” doesn’t apply in space. Make one mistake and no one has time to call you a fool because you’re dead. Oh, he and Mona had taken risks and ended up saving each other’s lives on several occasions but that was different from making a blatant error.
copyright by Larry Hammersley
There you have the opening scene of the story. I'm giving you the shortened version, not the longer version from the workshop. So you won't invest a lot of time reading. I'd appreciate any comments you have whether negative or positive.